There’s spicy, there’s hot, and there’s volcano hot. None of which can describe the new Taco Bell’s Volcano menu.

Not usually seeking to satisfy the late-night munchies, I have finally succumbed to late night food advertisement. Last night I went to Taco Bell for my very first time, enticed by the new Volcano menu (and some late night hunger pangs). All I can say is my “Taco-ginity” was robbed of me.

Last night, the Chenzen team and I ventured off to Taco Bell and purchased the Volcano Box. For those who don’t know, this selection consists of:

seriously spicy. lawls

1 Large drink

1 Small bag of cinnamon twists

1 Crunchy Taco

1 Volcano Double Beef Burrito

1 Volcano Taco

Most call me a sucker for believing the Volcano box would actually come in a box, let alone the scenic erupting volcanoes in the background. However, when I saw the three little items lying on that Taco Bell tray, I knew something was terribly wrong.  Compared to the picture above, each item was maybe 1/3 smaller than you’d imagine. In addition, rather than erupting steam and color, they were wrapped, in off-white wrappers, leaving me to ponder what crap could be hiding inside.

The Volcano burrito I indulged on was tasty, satisfying, and filling for what it was worth. However, it’s exactly as what you’re thinking; it was NOT SPICY AT ALL. To enhance the meal, I scarfed down nearly 5 packets from Taco Bell’s spiciest sauce selection to equate to what I’d imagine “Volcano hot” to be, but I wasn’t remotely close to being impressed.

Jacob and Danny explained that this is exactly what American food is like. This is all typical Americans can handle. And I totally agree! It upsets me that the people down at Taco Bell labs are trying to design and cater for American people, whose tongues have not adapted to anything but “hey, as long as it’s tasty and filled with fat and grease, I’ll eat a million of these”.

Ironically, you’d expect Taco Bell, which hails commercial Mexican food, to at least do a better job, but it doesn’t. And what’s even more ironic is the American Burger King’s semi-old Angry Whopper was so hot it actually made my nose runny, and left my scalp sweating.